I'm going to fail hoplessly in life. The fact that I'm moving out in September and living away from home is something that never fails to make me cackle like a hag (the cackling is usually followed up by crying and a panic attack). Basically I can't do anything. I'm an untidy mess of "I think I'm doing this wrong" and I've actually spelt my name incorrectly an embarrassing amount of times. I don't know where this introduction is going, so I'll make it relevant again. My life plan currently consists of crying my way through certain things of imporance and blagging my way through it all and hopefully it'll all be over quickly so I can die alone in my arm chair to a crap re run of scrubs. or something. I don't know. Yeah anyway, here is what I'm currently hoping for.
CAT CAR
there'll be a time in the near future where you'll be able to get the face/head of your favourite animal stuck to the front of a car for your own driving pleasure. I'm gonna get a cat one. Now, I'm not entirely sure why this car is floating and instead of a car seat it has a dining chair stuck to it - but thats I guess how the future will turn out. I can't wait to buy my cat car. Everything will be okay when I get it. UNTIL...
GETTING SERIOUSLY OBESE
At the age of 25 I'm gonna get seriously obese and be constantly surrounded by floating mcdonalds packets. It's going to rock the world (my thighs will at least). But yeah, I'm also going to get a hilariously unflattering bob cut which will serve to make my head look even more round than it already is. After two years however, I'll lose all the weight and return to my normal size.
Being able to walk in high heels
I'll be a new person once my fat has been burnt off. I'll finally try on a pair of high heels and I'll find that I can walk in them. So I get home, recolour my hair blonde and cut my face off and grow a new one and HEY this face is HOT. I then move to Paris and trot around in high heels for two months. Because I can. People smile at me in the street and stop grimacing. Everything is lovely until I realise that all I am is a pretty face with amazing shoes. I cut my shoes off and dye my hair ginger and suddenly my personality is BORN AGAIN.
Dying alone
please. if you're reading this. Please love me. I'm begging you : ( : ( : (
