What many of you will be wondering is how to make the most of this weekend without insulting our precious royals by vomiting at a street party or forgetting the words to God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols (her favourite).
Here is a handy, step by step guide to make the most of our SPECIAL weekend
Only eat food that is either red, white or blue
Try doing this with drinks too. This means a weekend of drinking milk, WKD and cranberry juice and eating nothing but curries, snow and smurf meat. Your belly may ache, but this is for Queen and country. She may even send you a letter congratulating you on your pain - (she won't) and you can sell the letter on eBay and make a sweet, sweet dollar.
Also, if you're welsh - it is totally okay to eat dragons too. So long as they don't eat you first.
Emulate Prince Phillip by being a a bit racist.
- Sit outside a Nigerian community centre, laugh and say something like "Have you all just been sleeping?"
- Go up to all attractive women you see and suggest that if you were to sexually assault her, you'd get arrested.
- Ask an Aborigine if they throw spears at each other.
Get a pet lizard
I know that the above picture has a dinosaur in, but everyone knows dinosaurs aren't real and that they were planted by Satan to tempt people into heracy.
Anyway, to really capture the jubilee spirit - buy one of her cousins from your local exotic pet shop. Call it Henry, Edward or George if it's a boy or Katherine, Mary or Kimberlee if it's a girl.
Give it a tiny crown and let it marry it's cousins. Watch a small empire grow in your bedroom. TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
Do your own flotilla
