How not to do a Freshers week.

To be really honest, I didn't even do it that badly. I was genuinely expecting myself to have a mental breakdown by the Wednesday and to subsequently be in a mental hospital by the Thursday, neither of which, thankfully, took place. I'm currently still alive (I think, unless this is a cruel joke. I'm totally googling 'how to know you're not dead' and this is what I got, so yeah I'm alive). ANYWAY this is a lovely fine guide on how NOT to do your freshers week, based on my own, personal failings.


Get a haircut BEFORE you arrive, not the week after

Follow the big fat smiley man's example and get your haircut. I made the mistake of not getting my haircut for 16 months prior to moving to Uni, and I genuinely think that a lot of people on my course are intimidated by the pile of red frizz and split ends currently perched on my head. I have this idea that when I get my hair sheared on Friday (I hope they have a chainsaw) that suddenly everyone will smile when I walk into the room and everyone will start calling me "Angel" or "Lady" and blokes will start putting their jackets down when I walk so my feet can always be padded and warm. I do, obviously know that this won't happen and that people will carry on tutting and rolling their eyes when I stumble in 5 minutes late with panda eyes and a tongue the colour, taste and texture of a bourbon biscuit. BUT OH WELL HERE IS HOPING.

When doing those "make friend! lots of friend!" exercises try not to have a minor panic attack

 

I know they're a lovely idea, but there is so much more fun to be had in getting to know your fellow course-buds at 2am, drunk off of 50p tequila in a local shitey nightclub. Especially when, if you're me, you get incredibly nervous when put on the spot and will run around screaming for a couple of minutes when asked about your music taste. I think I frightened some people that day, not just these new strangers, I frightened myself. How did my brain let me do that? I don't understand. I won't understand. Just thinking of how and why I did that is making my life ache. 

Don't get a reputation for being 'the drunk one'

No matter how many times I tell myself "Hey,Holly, only stick with half a pint tonight, you'll regret it when you wake up and your friends are saying to you 'OH JEE YOU SAID/DID SOME CRAZY RUBBISH LAST NIGHT'"  but then before you know it I've had a whole pint of beer and I'm lying on a wall singing along to The Smiths with some people I've just met, with tears running down my face and my phone in my hand and oh wait, I'm texting people I fancy saying "OH MY GOD I FANCY YOU HAHHAAHHA". I know people say that this is what Freshers week is about, but it really isn't about getting yourself a reputation. Don't!!!!!!! (Unless they're lightweights too then it's okay). I really hope my mum isn't reading this. (Hey Bev)

Don't spend your student loan on shoes

Actually no, DO spend your student loan on shoes. Shoes last longer than food and they're prettier. Buy books too. Lots o' books. (Don't buy food though. That shite is unnecessary).

Applying for 'Take Me Out'

TAKE ME OUT GIRLS APPLICATION FORM 2011
FULL NAME: (as on passport)
Holly Stewart
FIRST NAME THAT YOU PREFER TO BE CALLED:	AGE:
Holly	18
HOME ADDRESS:
WINDRUSH, HIGHWORTH, SWINDON
YOUR CONTACT NUMBERS:
OFFICE: HOME: MOBILE
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS:
mynameiscal@gmail.com
CITY OR TOWN ORIGINALLY FROM:
SWINDON
ARE YOU:   SINGLE / MARRIED / SEPARATED / DIVORCED
Single
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED OR ENGAGED?  IF YES – HOW MANY TIMES?
Nope never
CURRENT OCCUPATION:
Student
PREVIOUS JOBS:
Emptying bins
WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH?
Mum, Dad, Brother and the cat.
HOW TALL ARE YOU? (in Feet and Inches)
5ft and a bit
ARE THERE ANY DATES BETWEEN NOW AND NOVEMBER 2011 THAT YOU WOULD NOT BE AVAILABLE FOR AUDITIONS OR RECORDINGS?
Nah
DO YOU HAVE ANY MEDICAL CONDITIONS OR DISABILITIES WHICH WE SHOULD BE AWARE OF AND/OR ANY SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS -  IF YOU ARE REQUIRED TO ATTEND AN AUDITION?
WE ARE HOPING TO HOLD AUDITIONS IN (OR NEAR) SOME OF THE FOLLOWING CITIES: ♥  MANCHESTER  ♥  LIVERPOOL ♥ BIRMINGHAM  ♥  NOTTINGHAM  ♥  CARDIFF  ♥  BRISTOL  ♥ ♥ LONDON  ♥ EXETER  ♥  BELFAST  ♥  LEEDS  ♥   NEWCASTLE  ♥  GLASGOW ♥ EDINBURGH ♥ IF  OFFERED  AN AUDITION – PLEASE INDICATE WHICH WOULD BE YOUR 1ST & 2ND MOST CONVENIENT CITIES:
1st. London 2nd Bristol
PLEASE NOTE – owing to the numbers of people who apply – not everyone who applies for this show can be offered an audition. Auditioning does not guarantee a place on the show.
HOBBIES & INTERESTS:  (please include sports that you take part in or watch, clubs you belong to, musical instruments you can play etc)
Eating, watching the news, eating, cats, playing the mandolin, monkeys, eating cats and getting the bus.
HAVE YOU EVER APPEARED ON A TV SHOW? (Please give dates & details)
I was in Blue Peter once, they were filming the ‘Bikeathon’ in my town (SWINDON REPRESENT) and I was stood behind Liz Barker. I was 9 though.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?  (Funny or serious)
No I’m not special enough for talent.
DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL OR IRRITATING HABITS?
I find the sound of people being sick really funny. I also don’t like touching metal.
WHAT QUALITIES WOULD YOUR IDEAL MAN HAVE? (Looks, features, personality)
Nerdy and hilarious.
ARE ANY OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS SINGLE? SISTER / BROTHER / MUM / DAD / DAUGHTER / SON (Give details below of anyone aged 18+):
My older brother will always be single.
HOW DID YOU FIRST HEAR ABOUT APPLYING FOR THIS SHOW? (Please be specific, eg if it was a website please say which one or if it was an email please say who from)
I was suggesting my friend to apply but I decided I might instead.
PLEASE GIVE US THE CONTACT PHONE NUMBERS OF TWO GOOD FRIENDS OR RELATIVES THAT WE COULD CONTACT IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES: (please state relationship)
1.Bev (mum) I’m not giving you her number you perve 2.Pete (Dad) – Same again.
PLEASE  POST  FORM WITH PHOTO TO: TAKE ME OUT TALKBACKTHAMES TELEVISION 1 STEPHEN STREET, LONDON W1T 1AL OR EMAIL  WITH PHOTO TO:  takemeoutgirls@talkbackthames.tv APPLICATIONS WITHOUT PHOTOS WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED!
Will you allow us to hold this info on our talkbackThames TV contestant database?	YES
May we pass this information on to our other quiz show programmes?	YES
I confirm that I have read, understood and agree to the “Take Me Out” Application Terms & Conditions.  I confirm that all information provided herein is accurate, truthful and is in no way misleading and I consent to this information being used in the show should I be selected. SIGNED:  ............<<~~~~~~~~holly stewart~~~~~>>.   DATE:  ..15th SEPTEMBER 2010...... Print Name: ....................H O L L Y S T E W A R T...................................................... PRIVACY: We take your privacy very seriously. By submitting this application form, you consent to any personal information that you provide being used for the purpose of assessing your suitability for the Programme, and if successful, for the production of the Programme (in whatever format). If you have any questions regarding our use of your personal information please contact the Data Protection Officer, FremantleMedia Limited, 1 Stephen Street, London W1T 1AL or send an e-mail to Privacy.officer@fremantlemedia.com.  I'll let you all know how I get on.