update

I now also write for another website/blog thing - www.ohyeahmetoo.net  and i wrote something new on there today. So if you're DESPERATE for a cats and knitting fix (oh my god this is so egotistical of me) then here yis go - http://ohyeahmetoo.net/archives/1072

all about MEEEEE

yeah i'm pretty self absorbed, especially as this blog is usually me going on about how great i am, so crazy and all of that. So I thought I'd tell you some facts about me, incase you read this blog and decided you wanted to be my new best friend. you probably didn't, in fact you definately didn't - i'm just going to write this so i can talk about myself some more.


How to recognise me in the street

wonky fringe and fur coat usually sets me out and makes me totally unique. i'm usually wearing someithing with dots on, and if not i will be anyway because of my dotted skin. GET ME? also i'm usually concentrating very hard on not falling over. especially if i'm wearing my broken boots

fun facts about me

• When I was 28 years old, my waist was 34 inches and my hips were 25inches. Gok Wan called my body shape "glasshour" and told me to love myself.
• Sometimes I fantasise about how cool i'd be if I could sing. I'd grow my hair really long and sing with buskers on the street and record company bosses would be like "I love your sound!!!! I'm going to make you a star!" and I'd say "you can take your crappy contract 'cause i don't want your crappy money!" and storm off in a flurry of fake fur and broken boots
• I'm currently reading One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest and I'm starting to fancy McMurphy. I love a good lunatic.
• When I think about Thom Yorke I close one eye. I feel guilty everytime (i just reread this and i closed my eye)
• When I went to LA as a child Madonna met me and wanted to adopt me, my dad said yes and so did my mum. Mel Gibson reasoned with them though.
• once i sneezed in the garden and my next door neighbour said "bless yowww" in her stupid essex accent and I'VE HATED HER SINCE.
• the worst song of all time is alecia keys - new york it makes me sick violently everytime.
• once i ran out of eyeliner (which i go through weekly, seriously) and i used a felt tip
• I have nits
• and I'm currently wearing a vest
• and bloomers
• not really.

I hate doing this because i'm worried people will take this seriously.

Failed blog attempts I've had in the past couple of weeks.

My inspiration is DRYING. Since I've been back at college I've turned into one of those knobheads who reads Blake, Milton and Wordsworth (in a 100 year old poetry book) on public transport to try and broaden my knowledge - and if I do decide to listen to music it's going to be something that Pitchfork Media gave 10/10. I've cut my fringe so that it goes above my eyebrows and I set myself little targets like "remember in chronological order the dates of all the English monarchs" - yeah whatever. Essentially - I'm turning into a pretentious dick.  In this back-to-college-showdown (as I like to call it) I've tried, and failed at numerous blogs that just haven't been very good and up to my usual bog standard(GETIT), so here is a list (because I love list blogs) about what I've tried and failed to give you. Enjoy (probably not).

 
 Things my mum does in an attempt to ruin my happiness forever
My mum is a bit odd. When we went on holiday to Cornwall she put my boyfriend on the spot and asked questions like "So, I know you hated me beforehand - but dya like me now?" and then pressured him into giving a detailed answer - it made two hours of my life awkward. She also does these weird little things in an attempt to make me paranoid and hate myself like "Oh Holly, your legs are a bit pale, don't you think you need some fake tan? People will think you're made of paper" I didn't feel self concious until you mentioned that people cared that I'm white like milk. This blog was going to be a list of things that my mum has said/done to me in the past to make me hate myself - I didn't do it because I sounded all "ohhhhhhhhohohhoh mummmy issues :((:((:(:"

 

What the future holds for little Joe McElderry

I spent such a long time writing, deleting, redrafting this blog. It failed so many times because I felt guilty talking about little Joe and how he's going to become a heroin addict. He won't, I was just talking about how he's so vunerable because his first single was the first x-factor single not to get Christmas number 1 since the late 70s and that he's gay (like anyone even cares). But yeah, I scrapped this one because I felt bad for his little face, I did include the picture of what I think he'll look like in 20 years though.

 

What Lady Gaga will do next

In brief - she'll marry a film director and for some reason she'll never age. She'll adopt some black children and have some real children that are just like her but a bit miniture. This was a joke about how she's like Maddonna but I scrapped it because I don't know enough about Maddonna... or Lady Gaga

How to blog and have hundreds of teenage fans
 This was written on a day when I was feeling low and crushed because loads of people have poorly written boring blogs about clothes or material possesions and have thousands of views and hundreds of followers. It was just me going "YEAH BUT YOU'RE BORING" because I was jealous of the attention their blogs get in comparision to mine. I scrapped that because it was shit.

 

things i shouldn't do but i do anyway

Sit on facebook when I'm currently pissed off with everyone in the universe when the one person who actually pissed me off isn't online.
When I'm annoyed at someone I usually sit on facebook waiting for them to come online/text me/message me so I can make it really obvious that I'm annoyed and want to talk to them but in a way that I think is subtle enough that they'll think I don't care and that I'm so totally over it. However - I'll try not to act cool ENOUGH so that they'll forget to apologise. It sounds complicated but it's actually very simple



 Watch this video
Last week I became slightly obsessed with this video. I watched it about three times per day, sometimes I had it on repeat. I still can't make sense of it. The Fedora Girls are a Christian pop group by the way - and that song is actually about how god makes them hot. Bizarre, creepy and a bit rapey seeing as the one in bunchies is about 4.  "Was all about me, all the time, what's fresh, whose hot don't waste my time. Hot shoes, hot clothes is what I'm about, the other girls in the halls are nerds no doubt"   I don't mean to sound weird - but that's hardly a good christian message is it?

 Lick the bowl I've just eaten ice cream in.
It's disgusting and it makes me feel guilty every time I do it. I feel ashamed even writing this. That's all.

 Google image things I'm scared of
I watched about 30 (by 30 I actually mean 2) films with mutant inbred cannibals over the summer and they really creep me out. This however, does not and will not stop me googling "Wrong Turn 2 Inbred" into google every other day. I googled "big moths" earlier too - and now I'm frozen and that isn't because I just ate icrecream. 










 Read those ridiculously shallow awful blogs about "deep thoughts" and "problems" written by white, middle class fifteen year olds with blackberrys.

yeah this is probably the worst blog i've written but i'm angry and I HATE EVERYTHING OKAY

 

searching for my keywords

i don't understand what they are, so i tried seeing if i could find my blog through typing "pissing lesbos" into google.
"What goes in has to come out again! Pretty girls in very dirty action" THAT IS SO GROSS.

keywords

I don't know what keywords even mean, BUT i looked at mine and this is what they are.


ps. also by looking at my stats, I have had a whole 10 views from people who clicked on my page from www.ohyeahmetoo.net so thank you for that.

why jack wills is racist

They target all their products to white university students. Don't say "oh no they don't actually" because it says so on wikipedia, so there. Also how many university students do you know that can really afford to spend £70 on a hooded top, I CAN ONLY THINK OF PRINCE HARRY!?!
Anyway, here is some more incriminating evidence against Jack Wills

 


Y'ALL, we're all so racist y'alll

  

I went in the Jack Wills in Bath for more proof that this shop is racist, and there genuinely was a poster quite like this up in the shop. WHICH SAYS IT ALL.