Thursday 27 January 2011

why i like cats

I think cats are great because

1. Their fur is warm and soft. Sometimes they make me sneeze, but thats only if i forget to take an allergy tablet

2. When they are kittens, their head is really big and their tail is tiny. Like loveable little aliens.

3. When they get older, they have big long tails like lemurs.

4. They eat catfood. This isn't a good thing, because cat food smells, many a time I've fed my cat and found myself being sick aftwards. This shouldn't really be on the list.

5. When youre eating a roast chicken dinner, they sit next to your table and meow for chicken, i like this because it's like having a tiny fluffy beggar next to you begging for scraps of meat.

6. You can get cats that look like people, for example here is david bowie's feline double -


and here is Harry Potter's -





















7. This picture is so weird, I don't understand it but I like it because it has a cat in.
18.  A lot of the time, when I wake up in the morning my cat comes to see me. She'll jump on my bed, with breath so bad it's as though 383 different types of rotten fish have decayed in her mouth overnight and she'll proceed to shove her cat butt in my face. This is really annoying and weird. I don't understand it, I don't want to see your bum.








12. Their purr is hypnotic. It actually is, thats how clever they are. They hypnotise you into giving them food.

23. My cat beat up my next door neighbour's chihuahua once. Plus she poos in their garden, which is great because they're annoying and talk loudly.

11. My cat once did a little poo under the christmas tree, it wasn't the nicest gift we've ever recieved.

34. They make noises like "AK AK AK AK AK AK AK" when they see birds/flies. It's also good having them, because they eat flies/spiders/moths.


1. Their paws have soft pads on them, like marshmallows with fur round it. but then they have these claws of death which retract like wolverine. which is cool.

42. 

Saturday 1 January 2011

how to attention seek via social media

We've all been in a really bad mood and put a depressing something on our facebook, whether it be a depressing lyric, a sad face or simply "fml" and then waited for the SURGE of people you barely talk to get all interested and sympathetic.I've become a bit of a recluse this past week or so and unfortunately I've been spending more time on facebook than I like to admit. I've also done a fair bit of attention seeking myself - as I'm going to demonstrate in this blog.

The "is it a joke or are you genuinely sad? oh no, i wish you wouldn't be so vague!" status.
I did the one above and I'm still fairly proud of it. I can't help but see it as really vague, yet somewhat tongue-in-cheek.  Note how I didn't get any comments or "likes". People were too confused over what the status meant to have a public oppinion about it - and that is WHY the "is it a joke or are you genuinely sad? oh no, i wish you wouldn't be so vague!" status is the king of all social media attention seeking. Here are some other examples of this oh-so-vague status- 
  • "I feel like death. Not even warmed up - room temperature!!!!!!!!"
  • "So dissappointing. Oh well - there is always lesbianism and internet dating :P :P !"
  • "Wish I could go back to a time when weeing yourself in a protest would be okay :L"
Joining loads of facebook groups about what youre going through so people take the hint & start caring
  
Everyone loves watching someone go crazy with jealousy, especially if it's through a nice shiny LED screen = paticularly because it means that you won't have to feel the wrath of their imminent verbal explosion. This is more of a girl thing to do - because as bad as boys are at communicating - women are worse. If you've done/are doing something wrong - we won't tell you about it. We'll just wait and get more angry at you for not noticing that we're annoyed at you - and then when you click you've done something terrible we'll go all crazy and say "HOW COULD YOU NOT TELLL!?!?!?!!? I'M GOING MAD HERE OH MY GOD I HATE YOUA RGRGHRHRH"  because thats just what we (I) do.


The video blog of you crying into your childhood bear about the time Sabrina the Teenage Witch got cancelled.

We all loved Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and GOD did we all cry when it got cancelled - but don't expose the wound that Sabrina's departure caused onto the internet. By all means- do it anonymously in forums and weird chat rooms- just remember not to show your face. I don't actually know anyone that has ever done this, but I imagine doing so would be pretty awkward and embarrassing. Nethertheless, I imagine it would get you a lot of "oh my god she's gone insane" type gossip which might make you think you're all interesting and a bit of a kook. Thats what you're after though - ENNIT??!?!!?!


Write a blog about how to attention seek via social media and secretly hope for loads of attention.*
;) ;) ;)



ps.
HAPPY NEW GERMAINE GREER EVERYONE!http://i.thisislondon.co.uk/i/pix/2008/07/germainegreer_243x399.jpg


*i'm joking.