How not to do a Freshers week.

To be really honest, I didn't even do it that badly. I was genuinely expecting myself to have a mental breakdown by the Wednesday and to subsequently be in a mental hospital by the Thursday, neither of which, thankfully, took place. I'm currently still alive (I think, unless this is a cruel joke. I'm totally googling 'how to know you're not dead' and this is what I got, so yeah I'm alive). ANYWAY this is a lovely fine guide on how NOT to do your freshers week, based on my own, personal failings.


Get a haircut BEFORE you arrive, not the week after

Follow the big fat smiley man's example and get your haircut. I made the mistake of not getting my haircut for 16 months prior to moving to Uni, and I genuinely think that a lot of people on my course are intimidated by the pile of red frizz and split ends currently perched on my head. I have this idea that when I get my hair sheared on Friday (I hope they have a chainsaw) that suddenly everyone will smile when I walk into the room and everyone will start calling me "Angel" or "Lady" and blokes will start putting their jackets down when I walk so my feet can always be padded and warm. I do, obviously know that this won't happen and that people will carry on tutting and rolling their eyes when I stumble in 5 minutes late with panda eyes and a tongue the colour, taste and texture of a bourbon biscuit. BUT OH WELL HERE IS HOPING.

When doing those "make friend! lots of friend!" exercises try not to have a minor panic attack

 

I know they're a lovely idea, but there is so much more fun to be had in getting to know your fellow course-buds at 2am, drunk off of 50p tequila in a local shitey nightclub. Especially when, if you're me, you get incredibly nervous when put on the spot and will run around screaming for a couple of minutes when asked about your music taste. I think I frightened some people that day, not just these new strangers, I frightened myself. How did my brain let me do that? I don't understand. I won't understand. Just thinking of how and why I did that is making my life ache. 

Don't get a reputation for being 'the drunk one'

No matter how many times I tell myself "Hey,Holly, only stick with half a pint tonight, you'll regret it when you wake up and your friends are saying to you 'OH JEE YOU SAID/DID SOME CRAZY RUBBISH LAST NIGHT'"  but then before you know it I've had a whole pint of beer and I'm lying on a wall singing along to The Smiths with some people I've just met, with tears running down my face and my phone in my hand and oh wait, I'm texting people I fancy saying "OH MY GOD I FANCY YOU HAHHAAHHA". I know people say that this is what Freshers week is about, but it really isn't about getting yourself a reputation. Don't!!!!!!! (Unless they're lightweights too then it's okay). I really hope my mum isn't reading this. (Hey Bev)

Don't spend your student loan on shoes

Actually no, DO spend your student loan on shoes. Shoes last longer than food and they're prettier. Buy books too. Lots o' books. (Don't buy food though. That shite is unnecessary).