I'm a poor person. Look at me, with my bitten nails, unbrushed hair and wild eyes. I'm p-o-o-r. Most of my friends aren't, so basically I've had to pretend I have more than 50p to my name to avoid being inside forever (like what I'm doing this weekend, I'M SO BORED SOMEONE LOVE ME FFS), and ANYWAY I think I've done quite well at it (the pretending to be classy thing)
- Drink your drink really quickly because it'll make you feel drunk even though you're not (too poor to buy a drink? read on)
- Pretend to everyone that you have this really awesome magic trick that you can do but need two pints do to it. The magic trick is drinking them both really quickly and running away.
- If you have under 18 friends, offer to go buy their cigarettes and alcohol, but sneakily pretend that it altogether costed £14 when it cost £12. Don't tell your victim. (thanks for this one, craig ; ) )
- Wearing the same thing night after night? just put on a new exciting pin badge to spruce it up, like one with your favourite monarch on or member of Girls Aloud.
- Pretend youre famous. Like if you look vaguely like the bloke who plays Sophie Webster in coronation street, pretend you're her (nothern accent is needed) and people will be like "OH GOD YOURE MY IDOL PLEASE LET ME GET YOU DRUNK".
- Does it cost to go into this particular place?. Hang around outside looking sad, but sexy - so someone will pay for you to go in.
- Too ugly to play the "I'm sexy, buy me a drink?" card? Wear a mask.
- Can't find a suitable mask to fit your hideously deformed disgusting face? HIDE IN A HOLE FOREVER WHY ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE.
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