how to be an ACE student

I'm a great student, especially in english lit as my teachers love me and admire my well-read-ness and how amazing i'm at spelling and grammer. I only feel that it is fair that I depart my knowledge onto you dear reader, as I'm worried you won't be able to get a staggeringly high grade in english lit if i don't.

1. Re-do your work if you've done it badly
Or at least say that you're going to re-do it. Take for instance my essay which I did about William Blake, stupidly mistaking the essay title  for
"In which ways can William Blake be considered a Romantic poet" 

when it was actually

"Is it appropriate to view Blake as a pastoral poet?"
Naturally (because I'm so good at english lit) I very poorly redid my essay in twenty minutes, cleverly taking the decision to change the word "Romantic" to "Pastoral". My essay ended up making no sense and  when I got it back, it was covered in a sea of red lines and angry comments. I went up to my teacher (who looks like this)

and said "Is it okay for me to re-do my essay? I got the title wrong originally and I re did it in about 20 minutes, hence why it is so bad." Him, (lets call him Pierre) looked pleased AND IMPRESSED and said "If you do wish to resubmit the essay, then yes, I will be happy to remark it for you." I don't think I'll actually resubmit the essay as I'm currently ill, but that isn't the point. He now thinks I'm dedicated and a good student. when I'm not.
2. Do some extra reading (even if it's for a minute) and then ask a fancy question.
This will impress (make them think you're weird) your peers and also your teacher. For example
"Uhm, sir? I was doing some reading last night on the upbringing of Mary I and what shocked me was the bullying and torment which Lady Shelton inflicted upon her in her youth. Do you feel that it was this upbringing which fuelled her bloodthirtsy nature which she became infamous for in later life?" 
I haven't actually asked that, but it's a good example of what to say (especially if you don't actually study Mary I, because it makes you seem well read and DEDICATED) After you've asked this, you may notice that your teacher begins to be warmer towards you, giving you the occassional biscuit and writing the odd smiley face on your essay paper.

3. Adopt a wide-eyed and friendly face.
Below is what you're not to do. Even if having angry eyebrows makes you seem far more intelligent, it makes people hate you and in turn it'll ruin your chances of courting that ideal man, getting your business back on it's feet and dancing with someone who finds your bum IRRESISTABLE. I don't know where this point is going anymore...

Here, is the look you SHOULD adopt. ^ Note the happy cheeks, the combed hair and the lack of angry (or any) eyebrows.

4. Come into lessons sick

 The more flu-ridden you are the better. Teachers love to see their students suffer and especially as it makes them see that theyre dedicated to learn. Answer a question whilst spluttering, with half a lung coming out of your mouth and feel their sympathetic gaze fall upon your pea-green cheeks. They'll say "Are you sure you want to be in? You don't seem to be feeling well." to which you'll reply "No, I desperately need to learn". 


 

*hey mum, if youre reading this,this whole blog is in in jest and i'm well good at college, seriously.