I do it. Everyone does it. People who say "Oh no, me? I don't facebook stalk! I just check facebook for notifications and invites" are liars. Dirty dirty liars. Above is a screenshot of my facebook about 5 minutes ago, and I guarantee I have stalked all of the online people and had a good ole root through their profile pictures to see if they have any unwanted fat bulges to make myself feel better about my unwanted fat bulges. Either way, I'm a vile disgusting facebook stalker and I'M NOT ASHAMED TO SAY IT.
I think there are about three levels of facebook stalk. I'm a good, healthy two because I'm not so bad I reconise people in the street from stalking their pages, because that is just creepy.
LEVEL ONE
Level one facebook stalker is probably the least phycotic and in turn, probably the least common. Level one facebook stalking is like when you've had a bit of a tiff with your boyfriend, and you go on his facebook to see he's now friends with a girl called "Sally-Anne Hendrix" (or something) and you go on her page to confirm she has a bad music taste and a weird fringe and that she lives in Yorkshire, at which point you relax and look at your next door neighbour's holiday photos in Tenerife.
LEVEL TWO
Level two is when you get bored and you refresh your newsfeed. SUDDENLY some girl who you don't know has become a fan of some deep meaningful quotes from Anchorman. You click on her page to see who she is. ALL OF A SUDDEN you see that someone has written on her wall saying "HEY BABE, LOOKIN SEXY IN UR PIC" and your little ears prick up like that of a meetkat and suddenly you're interested, hounding in on her personal information like a shameless pervert, sucking up all the tiny details like a hoover on your dirty carpet. Well you know, I'm not that nosey,but I will click on this strange boy's page,stalk his photos, have a good lol and close the window. Repeat 5 or 6 times per day and you got yourself a level two stalker.
LEVEL THREE
Level three is when you see this message more than 8 times per facebook session, and when greeted with this message your pace quickens and you get fustrated and scared for a good 5 minutes. Level three people will often see people in the street and talk to them saying "Oh yeah, I know you through facebook. Youre a fan of " "Weak, limp, lifeless?" "No Cheryl, not when i can see you on the t.v," and 'Nessa, you look gorgeous' 'I know, I feels it."
This is amazing, nice post! And I just facebook stalked you.
ReplyDeleteWell, I typed "Holly" into facebook and clicked on the first profile that popped up. I like your orange face.